The Swan Song
by LovelyLene
Summary: Sully has trouble moving on with his life after Michaela’s sudden death…


English is not my native language!

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I do not own the characters of "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman"… One Beth Sullivan does…  
**Rating:** I don't know anything about these ratings, but let's say T or PG-13. Just to be safe...  
**Warnings:** I'm a real drama queen, and if you've read my previous stories you know what to expect!  
**Genre:** Drama / Tragedy  
**Note: **A song inspired me to write this short story. It's about Sully and Michaela for a change. Just to prove I can write about other people besides Hank… ;)  
**Summary: **Sully has trouble moving on with his life after Michaela's sudden death…

_**Autumn 1877**_

_Silence… Emptiness… Sadness… Fear… Loneliness… Anger… Desperation… Grief… _Many different feelings mixed around in Sully's head as he stood at his wife's grave. He wanted to cry; even scream, but he remained silent. He had to stay strong for his children, especially for Katie. The little girl held his hand tight, not really comprehending what was happening. He had tried to explain to her what was going on; however, she had just looked at him and had asked him when her mother was coming back. He had sighed deeply. _How am I going to tell a six year old girl that her mother is never coming back? _He had thought. _That she's gone forever?_ _How can I make her understand? Hell, I don't even understand…_

He looked to his right and saw Colleen crying helplessly on her husband's shoulder. At least she had someone to share her grief with. Andrew would be there for her. Then he looked to his left where Matthew and Brian were standing. Matthew had an arm wrapped around Brian's shoulder. Even though they were both grown men now, it was a thing that would never change: Matthew taking care of his younger brother.

Sully lowered his head again and looked at his wife's grave. _Why? _He thought helplessly. _Why did this have to happen? Why Michaela? Why didn't you listen to me? I told you not to go there… Not to move to close to that cliff… But you just had to! Damn you! Why Michaela? Why do I have to go through this again… _Tears burned in his eyes as he thought back to the events of a few days before. It should have been such a beautiful day, but it had ended in disaster…

"_Good morning beautiful," Sully greeted his wife when she woke from a blissful sleep. He gently kissed her forehead and took her in his embrace. "Good morning to you too," she said with a smile and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head rested on his shoulder. "Did you sleep well?" she asked, moving her head a bit so she could look at her husband. "Perfectly," he said and kissed her again. "So, what are yer plans for today?" he asked Michaela. "Uhm.. I have no idea actually," she answered, "Why?" Sully smiled. He knew it was Michaela's day off and he had already planned something special for her. Well, for them both actually… It had been ages since they had been able to do something together! Without any children that is… _

"_I was just thinking of having a picnic with my wife," he said, moving downwards to kiss her again. "Oh, that would be nice!" Michaela answered. "I'm sure Katie would love it too!" Sully smiled. "Sorry, no kids allowed on this picnic," he said and had to laugh at the surprised look on Michaela's face. "But what about Katie?" she asked. "She's already been takin' care of," he answered while he stroked her cheek. "Oh really?" Michaela smiled. She was definitely amused. "Really…" Sully answered and kissed his wife deeply. _

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_The picnic had been wonderful. Sully had taken Michaela to a completely deserted but high part of the woods. It was quite difficult for them to get there; the paths were rocky and steep. But once at the top the view was extraordinary. They had settled down a few feet from the edge and had enjoyed their picnic, and each other… It had been such a long time since they had been able to do something like this. It was wonderful! _

_They lay side by side on the plaid looking in each other's eyes and enjoying the sounds of the birds in the trees. It was amazing how no one ever visited this place. It was simply beautiful! Sully took in Michaela's sight. To him she was the most beautiful woman who ever lived. He never thought, especially not after Abagail's death, that he would ever fall desperately in love again, but he had. He had fallen in love again. He had fallen in love with the woman that was now in his arms. The woman that was now his wife. His love for her had never faded. Even when they fought his love for her was so intense he thought it would kill him. Michaela was his other half. She completed him._

_Michaela reminded him of a swan. He remembered the first time he saw her. A classy woman from the city, Boston to be precise, in Colorado Springs. She had looked lost; out of place. The countryside had seemed to be a totally different world to her. And the people who lived on it were much different from the people she knew in the city. She had collided with many of the townspeople, her classy standards not matching with those of the country people. But eventually she had adapted. And the citizens of Colorado Springs had adapted to her. Eventually she had spread her wings and had let the sun shine brightly on her face. She was the best thing that had ever happened to Colorado Springs and visa versa. She belonged here and nowhere else. She belonged here, with him…_

"_Oh Sully, look!" While Sully had been lost in thought Michaela had gotten up from the plaid and saw a small bird walking very close to the edge of the cliff. The bird looked wounded. It stumbled from time to time and Michaela immediately felt sorry for the little thing. Also her doctor's instinct told her to help it. She moved slowly to the little bird, not wanting to frighten it. Sully was suddenly wide awake as he realized what his wife was up to. "Don't get to close to the edge Michaela!' he called. "Shoosh!" she beckoned him to be quiet. "You're making him scared… Don't you see he's hurt?" Sully stood up. "Michaela, it's just a bird… get away from the edge, I don't know how safe it is to stand there." He was quite worried now. The ground could be very thin and could give away any second. "Michaela!" he called, he almost sounded angry. Why did she always have to be so stubborn? "I almost got him Sully!" she said and took one step closer to the bird. She stooped down to pick up the bird but then froze as she felt something move underneath her. "Oh God…" she whispered. What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion to Sully. He saw the ground gave away underneath his wife. He heard rocks and sand fall down. His eyes went wide as he realized what was happening. "MICHAELA!" he screamed on top of his lungs as he saw her fall. "Sully!" Michaela screamed but it was too late. Gravity took a hold on her body and she disappeared from Sully's sight… _

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Sully was still standing at his wife's grave, but now he was alone. The funeral was over and people had gone back to their homes. Colleen had taken Katie with her. She had asked Sully to go with her as well, but he had said nothing. He had just stared at Michaela's grave with pain filled eyes. Everyone had figured he wanted to be alone, so they had left.

And here he was now. So many things he wanted to say to her, ask her… So many feelings rushing through his body… It was too much for him. "Why Michaela?" he asked, choking back a sob. "Why did you have to leave me? Why didn't ya listen?" He looked up at the sky. "WHY?" he screamed. "Why God? Why are ya making me go through this again? Do you really hate me that much? Why?" He fell to his knees and sobbed. "I'm sorry Michaela," he said between sobs. "I shouldn't have taken ya there. If I hadn't…"

"This is not your fault, my friend," he heard a familiar voice say. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Sully didn't need to turn around to see who it was. He had seen Cloud Dancing standing between the trees during the funeral. It would have been only a matter of time until he'd show his face. "I can't do this again," Sully said helplessly. "I had to do it once, I can't do it twice." He stood up and looked his friend in the eyes. "I can't live without her, Cloud Dancing." Desperation and grief were evident in his voice. "I cannot tell you what to do, my friend," Cloud Dancing said to Sully, "remember, I do know how you feel… But it's your journey to make. I can't make it for you… But I'll be there if you need me… Keep one thing in mind though, there's one little girl out there who needs you more than ever…" He smiled gently at his friend for a brief moment and then walked away.

Sully turned to Michaela's grave again. "I know I can't live without ya, Michaela," he said. "Without ya I'm not the same… I'll never be the same… I'm lost without you… Incomplete… I will be with ya again… soon… I'll take care of our daughter first… But when she doesn't need me anymore… when she's settled down, I will come after ya…" With that promise made, he left graveyard and went home… an empty home…

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_**Winter 1897**_

Sully kept his promise to Michaela. He took care of Katie until she had a life of her own. Twenty years had gone by, but Sully had never gotten back to his old self. He hardly talked to other people, never cared for anyone except Katie. It seemed she was the only reason he was still living. He didn't care about anything anymore. He never felt the same as before Michaela's death. He never felt whole again… It was a horrible feeling. Everyone knew that one day he would end his own life, but there was nothing they could do about it. Some people had tried to talk to him about it, like Dorothy. She had told him that he had to find a reason to live again. Michaela would have wanted him to. He had just yelled at the red-haired woman and told her to mind her own business. And that's what everyone did, no matter how bad they felt about it. They just didn't have a choice. There was no telling when Sully would decide to end it all. He had been around for twenty years now, maybe he would be around for another twenty years.

But here he was now, standing on the same cliff his wife fell off twenty years ago. He was ready now. Katie had gotten married 3 years ago with a wonderful young man. She had studied medicine, like her mother and sister, and had graduated 2 years ago. And one year ago she had given birth to a beautiful girl named Mary Michaela. Katie had her own life now and didn't need him anymore. He could finally leave this world without having to worry about the ones he left behind. They were all in good hands. For one last time he had taken a look at the homestead he had once built himself. He had taken in the sight and had realized that this wasn't his home anymore. Then he had left, leaving his will and a letter to his children on the kitchen table.

He stood on the edge of the cliff and looked down to what would be a drop of at least one hundred feet. He didn't feel afraid. On the contrary, he felt relief. He would find peace soon. After all these years… after all these years of emptiness and loneliness, he would finally be reunited again with the one person he loved most in this world. He felt the wind blow through his grey hair. The cold, fresh air on his skin felt amazingly good. He put his hand in one of his pockets and took a golden necklace from it. It was the necklace he had given Michaela when Katie was born. He looked down again. "I compared ya to a swan once," he suddenly spoke. "So beautiful… but yet so afraid. You were new in this town and at first ya couldn't find your way… But then you spread your wings and flew! You flew to wherever you wanted to go. Nothing would stop ya… No one would… I wish ya had wings that day, Michaela… the day when ya fell… Then ya could have flown back to me… But now it's my turn to spread my wings, Michaela!" He looked up at the sky and smiled. For the first time in years he actually smiled and it was a genuine smile, a happy one even. He held on desperately to the necklace in his hand. "We will be together again," he said, "We'll be together again soon…" He smiled again, then closed his eyes and let himself fall…

_Winter has come for me, can't carry on.  
The chains to my life are strong but soon they'll be gone.  
I'll spread my wings one more time._

_Is it a dream?  
All the ones I have loved calling out my name.  
The sun warms my face.  
All the days of my life, I see them passing me by._

_In my heart I know I can let go.  
In the end I will find some peace inside.  
New wings are growing tonight._

_Is it a dream?  
All the ones I have loved calling out my name.  
The sun warms my face.  
All the days of my life, I see them passing me by._

_As I am soaring I'm one with the wind.  
I am longing to see you again, it's been so long.  
We will be together again…_

_- Within Temptation_

The End…

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